I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks

A#5

[Verse 1]
A5                B5                       C#5
  My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec class
E5
B5 A5                          B5
   Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room
C#5
kicked my ass
B5 A5                     B5
     I said guys I'm like you
                      E5
I like Monster Trucks too
              D#5  C#5
Wanna see how many pushups I can do?
A5                  B5
  I just wish I was queer so I could get

[Chorus]
E5                   D#5
Chicks dig guys that are
B5                    D#5
Queer guys that don't dig
E5                              B5
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
                          A#5 A5
See I'm not queer I'm too ug_ly

[Verse 2]
                                        C#5
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
C#5
E5 B5   A5                           B5
   Incognito as a gay though but not actually that way
              C#5
though pseudo homo phony
B5 A5                      B5                      E5
   Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
               D#5  C#5                    A5
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
               B5                  Ab5
Scoring with a supermodel would be easy

[Verse 3]
           A5                          B5
'Cause supermodel means voluptuous but also is synonymous
     C#5
with superdumb
E5   B5      A5                          B5
  Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a
           C#5
sister and soon I'd become
A5                         B5
  That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and
           E5
braids her hair
               D#5    C#5                         A5
No it wouldn't take a week before I'm in her underwear
             B5
I wish I was queer so I could get

[Chorus]
E5                   D#5
Chicks dig guys that are
B5                    D#5
Queer guys that don't dig
E5                              B5
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
                          A#5 A5
See I'm not queer I'm too ug_ly

[Verse 4]
                        B5
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's
C#5
in my genes
E5
B5    A5                        B5
  The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made
   C#5
by Jimmy Dean
A5                B5                       E5
  See I'm not too keen on the smell of Vaseline
           D#5      C#5                       A5
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
                  B5                   E5
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks

[Bridge]
C#5 B5 A5 A#5
B5 C#5 D5 D#5 E5 C#5
B5 A5 A#5 B5

[Verse 5]
C#5 D5 D#5 A5
       Anyway if I were gay
            B5                C#5
I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
E5
B5     A5                                 B5
  Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's
              C#5
got a lisp he talks like this
A5                          B5
  And wear my mother's lingerie and learn the songs of
     E5
Broadway
           D#5   C#5                          A5
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avantgarde ballet
             B5
I wish I was queer so I could get

[Outro]
C#5
Chicks dig guys that are
B5
Queer guys that don't dig
C#5
Chicks dig guys that are
E5         B5
Queer guys that don't dig
C#5
Chicks dig guys that are
B5
Queer guys that don't dig
C#5                             E5
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
            B5              C#5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly 
      B5
And I don't shave my heiny
C#5
Don't shave my heiny
E5            B5
  See I'm not queer
          C#5
I'm too ugly 
      B5
And I don't shave my heiny
C#5
Don't shave my heiny
E5            B5              C#5
  See I'm not queer I'm too ugly 
      B5
And I don't shave my heiny
C#5
Don't shave my heiny
E5                            C#5
  See I'm not queer I'm too ugly