Theres A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey You Just Havent Thought Of It Yet

[Verse 1]
Em
  Please leave all overcoats, canes,
and top hats with the doorman
Am
From that moment,
you'll be out of place and under dressed
    G6
I'm wrecking this evening already,
    Am
and loving every minute of it
Cmaj7                            B7
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring,
and...
Em
  Please leave all overcoats, canes,
   D7
and  top hats with the doorman
G6
From that moment,
                 Cmaj7
you'll be out of place and under dressed
    Am
I'm wrecking this evening already,
    B7
and loving every minute of it
Cmaj7                            D7
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring,
D#7
and...

[Pre-Chorus]
            Em
When you're in black slacks
                            Am
With accentuating off white pinstripes,
whoa oh
Cmaj7      B7                Em
Everything goes according to plan

[Chorus]
Cmaj7                B7
I'm  the new cancer, never looked better,
Em             D7
you can't stand  it
            G6
Because you say so under your breath
You're reading lips,
B7
  "When did he get all confident?"
Cmaj7            B7    Em            D7
Haven't you heard  that  I'm the new cancer?
G6                       B7                  B7
  Never looked better and  you can't stand it

[Interlude]
Cmaj7 B7 Cmaj7

[Verse 2]
Em
  Next is a trip to the, the ladies' room in vain,
and
Am
  I bet you just can't keep up with,
with these fashionistas
   G6
And  tonight, tonight, you are,
       Am
you are  a whispering camaign
F#
  I bet to them, your name is cheap
B7
  I bet to them, you look like sh...
Em
  Talk to the mirror, oh,
D7
  choke back tears
         G6                    Cmaj7        Am
And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!"
Oh,
                       B7                   Cmaj7
and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table
             D7     D#7   Am    B7   Cmaj7     B7
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin

[Chorus]
Cmaj7                B7
I'm  the new cancer, never looked better,
Em             D7
you can't stand  it
            G6
Because you say so under your breath
You're reading lips,
B7
  "When did he get all confident?"
Cmaj7            B7    Em            D7
Haven't you heard  that  I'm the new cancer?
G6                       B7
  Never looked better and  you can't stand it

[Bridge 1]
Em D7 G6 Cmaj7 Am B7 Em Em
D7 G6 Cmaj7 Am B7 Em

[Bridge 2]
Em               D7        G6           Cmaj7
Haven't you heard  that I'm  the new cancer?
     Am              B7         Em
I've never looked better and you  can't stand it
Em               D7        G6           Cmaj7
Haven't you heard  that I'm  the new cancer?
     Am              B7         Cmaj7           D7
I've never looked better and you     can't stand  it
      Em
And I know,
                   D7
and I know it just doesn't feel like
        G6                          Cmaj7
A night out, with no one sizing you up   
       Am                B7
I've never been so surreptitious
So, of course,
          Em
you'll be distracted when I spike the punch
      Em
And I know,
                   D7
and I know it just doesn't feel like
        G6                          Cmaj7
A night out, with no one sizing you up   
       Am                B7
I've never been so surreptitious
So, of course,
          Em
you'll be distracted when I spike the punch

[Outro]
      Em
And I know,
                      D7
and I know it just doesn't feel like
            G6                         Cmaj7
A night out,  with no one sizing you up
           Am              B7
I've never been so surreptitious
So, of course,
             Em
you'll be distracted when I spike the punch!